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HEALED, REDEEMED, MADE WHOLE
Michaele Birdsall is Treasurer/CFO for National Ministries, ABCUSA |
“Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”
Matthew 15:13-16 (The Message)
I serve as a member of the ABC General Executive Council (GEC). For the past five years I have been a part of this group as we have wrestled with issues of covenant, dwindling resources, stewardship and structure. At times our discussions have been quite tense. Voices were raised, people walked out, others checked out mentally. Undoubtedly we’d all return, place our hands to the plow and begin again. Why? Because at the center of this peculiar community is a deep love for God, for the American Baptist Churches, and for a world so desperately in need of “light-bearers” who are able to “prompt people to open up with God,” that they might be healed, redeemed, and made whole.
I began my ministry with ABC eleven years ago. I came with both a deep love for the church and a deep disillusionment with what I had experienced in church life. I was not a member of a local congregation at the time. The intimacy of a local church setting was too frightening back then. I knew I needed the connection with a body of believers. But at that stage of my healing journey I needed to maintain an intentional “safe” distance. I figured that if I kept the nature of my connection to the church as primarily “career” focused, I could at least begin to quell my fears of intimacy. Denominational work provided the perfect setting.
I’m a CPA by training but an artist at heart. On Myers-Briggs I test at the intersection of INFJ and INTJ. I’ve been told that “off-duty” when I am more relaxed and at home I am a “feeler.” However, when I am “on-duty” and interacting with others, particularly at work, I am a “thinker.” In short, I’ve learned to hone my thinking and analytical skills to survive in a world where “feeling” is a liability.
We serve an incredibly patient and loving God. Even as I was constructing my “safe” little world of denominational ministry, God was at work setting the stage for the next leg of my healing journey. In 2002 the Ministers Council launched Together in Ministry. The goals of the initiative were to:
I am not an ordained minister and prior to the launch of TIM, I was not a member of the ABC Ministers Council. I am grateful to God for the inclusive nature of the vision that was birthed in the heart of Kate Harvey for the denomination she loved. It was a vision that included me – a Black woman, a lay leader, a wounded disciple, a soul in need of community.
I joined my first TIM covenant group in 2002 with a group of women who came together to explore what it means to be “Sisters Made in the Image of God.” We affectionately call ourselves the “SMIGS,” and to this day, we share a special bond of friendship and spiritual connection. This special group of women provided the first Christian community setting since 1994, when I left the church, where I dared risk intimacy again. We prayed together. We laughed together. We nurtured a safe space where our souls could come out of hiding and speak the truth in healing and transforming ways. Through the support of these women I found the courage to seek a more integrated life.
I joined my second TIM covenant group in 2006. This group is made up of the women members of the GEC. It grew out of the recognition that God had given us, as women, unique perspectives on the challenges facing our denomination. And that it was imperative that we find effective ways of having our voices “heard” in a male-dominated setting, so that our gifts, our light, might be able to “bring out the God-colors” of the ABC.
It is fascinating to experience first-hand the power unleashed through a renewed sense of belonging. In April of 2009 the GEC Women met for our second annual TIM retreat. Our retreat was held on the front end of our regularly scheduled GEC meeting. Our male colleagues began arriving after we had spent two and a half days together praying, talking, laughing, worshipping, and sharing our personal stories.
As each woman entered our meeting sessions, we did so not as Lone Rangers, but as leaders buoyed up by the support of companions who had taken the time to walk with us, listen to our personal stories, and see beyond the professional roles that had given us a seat at the table.
I think there has been an undeniable shift in the tone of our meetings. We still have strong disagreements. And there are still moments of intensity. But little by little, I sense a growing appetite for a deeper expression of community. And with that comes an increased willingness to be vulnerable with each other, to share our stories and come out of hiding.
In his book, A Hidden Wholeness – The Journey Toward an Undivided Life, Parker Palmer says that “when community unravels and we lose touch with one another, the self atrophies and we lose touch with ourselves as well. Lacking opportunities to be ourselves in a web of relationships, our sense of self disappears, leading to behaviors that further fragment our relationships and spread the epidemic of inner emptiness.”
Through the gift of TIM covenant groups my feelings of isolation are dissipating. I am finding the courage to be more generous with my life and to release my fears and anxiety when God commands me to “Shine!” To God be the glory!
With gratitude and praise,