Dick Sutton August 4, 2004 |
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THE BIBLICAL CONCEPT OF JUBILEE - Leviticus 25: 8 – 17
After announcing my retirement several folks asked: “What are you going to do in retirement?” I immediately responded, “I don’t have a clue," even though everyone seemed to think I should. Actually, I knew. I knew that my body, mind and soul needed a time of rest and recovery from exhaustion. I also knew that I was in no shape to make any important life decisions.
In one of those “what are you going to do” conversations with a colleague I commented that I had been in professional ministry for 44 years. He responded that that sounded like Jubilee and the concept of the land lying fallow. Somehow, the concept of the ground lying fallow went straight to a deep place in my psyche and I knew that that was what “I wanted to do in retirement."
The biblical concept of Jubilee became the working paradigm for my first year of retirement. Even though I kept saying I did not have a plan, in reality this became my plan. It gave me permission to rest. It provided a mental and spiritual paradigm for recovery. Leviticus 25:12, in dealing with Jubilee, reads: “…it shall be holy to you." When I read this verse I became convinced, at some deep level, that I was about to undertake important business. I tend to operate within broad strokes and Jubilee provided me with a working construct.
I don’t know if it was a “self-fulfilling prophecy," but the amount of time – one year – seemed to be right on target. I began my retirement on August 1, 2003, and by the spring of 2004 I wondered if one year was going to be enough time. However, as summer rolled around I sensed a growing change in myself. A developmental shift seemed to be taking place. I actually talked with someone about a possible part-time position. The job didn’t work out, but it felt like an important foray back into “the world." Now that the year has come and gone, I’m feeling healthier and stronger in my mind, body and soul. I may now actually be in a state where I can make some decisions about “what are you going to do in retirement."
Some important things I did during this year:
There were some things that I just could not do during the year:
Time took on a very different dimension during this year. “Chronos” – minutes, hours, days – receded in dominance. I seemed to function more on “my time." When I was hungry, I ate; when I was tired I slept; when I needed to think, I walked. Life seemed to function more on an inner clock than some external scheme. This was such a relief after a busy, hectic, externally directed life.
CLOSURE AT NATIONAL MINISTRIES
During the winter and spring of 2003 I closed out the Small Church Pilot Project and assumed two additional interim positions – NAP Interim Director and Interim Ministry Center Director when Hector Cortez moved to International Ministries. I packed the final Small Church Pilot Project training, a Small Church Pre-biennial event and the Biennial into the last week of June.
I am very grateful that I set my departure date from National Ministries for the end of July which gave me time to close down my office in an orderly manner. My physical leaving was not hectic.
In my retirement celebrations, I intentionally emphasized that my retirement was not from National Ministries, the final position in my career. Rather I retired from a career in ministry that included five churches, a social service agency and National Ministries. This distinction mattered to me.
I continue to believe that this closure with National Ministries and my career was clean and healthy. I deeply value my years of ministry and feel a sense of closure to that era of my life. If I use my professional skills in the next few years it will be a new decision for a new chapter.
THE SHADOW SIDE OF MY PERSONALITY
My Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality type is ENFP (The creative, ingenious, alert-to-all-the-possibilities type). During the first month of retirement I went into my basement (very strong introverted behavior) and started organizing (judging behavior). It felt so good getting things in place (J) and working with my hands (I). Only later did I realize that I was happily into my shadow personality (ISTJ). To a great extent, this remained true for the year.
I was very happy to be home alone. It probably helped that my wife and I did not retire at the same time. I needed this time to make my personal transition. While always very happy when Carol came home from work, I was also happy the next morning when she went off to work. In fact, our relationship, which is very solid and healthy, stayed right on track and grew stronger during this year.
I now see signs of the old ENFP reemerging, but a bit wiser for the past year.
HITTING A MAJOR SPEED BUMP AND MY HEALTH
As I said above, Carol and I made a trip to Scotland in September. Two days before returning home, I fell on my left arm and shoulder. Carol got me to the hospital and they discovered that I had broken my upper arm near the shoulder and that the ball connecting the arm to the shoulder “did not look just right." More tests at home revealed that in addition to breaking the arm I had also shattered the ball at the end of the arm. They replaced the ball with a shiny new stainless steel one.
Three months of extensive physical therapy, which I took to like a “duck to water," followed the accident and surgery. I still do therapy at home every day.
Initially, the accident and surgery threw me into a state of feeling very fragile and frail. I believe that my general state of exhaustion exacerbated the normal results of the accident and surgery.
I really don’t know what to make of my physical health during this year. During my first 64 years I had one surgery. This year I’ve had three. The fall would seem simply an accident. But then in February I had serious skin cancer surgery and in June developed a mass in my groin area which will be removed in a few days.
This series of medical issues influenced the year significantly. I can’t discern if this is incidental or somehow related to the life transition of retirement. Overall, I feel healthy right now. I am committed to my program of exercise with the hope of regaining good health.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN YOU RETIRE?
I still have no clear idea what kind of life I will put together in coming years. At least, I now seem interested in doing such and to be in a state of mind, body and soul that can make those kinds of decisions. A few learnings have emerged to carry with me.
WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY?
This year has been a real gift and I don’t think I would change much of anything. Which is really very amazing to me.
It is very clear that I would like to have avoided the accident to my arm. But since I fell in the cemetery and an old Scottish Presbyterian Church, I guess it was “predestined."
I wish I had taken better care of myself during my working years but that is 20/20 hindsight.